Kiss
Puke
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
