Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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