I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
