i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm getting married
To pizza
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
