I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
