As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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