Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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