Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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