if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
