Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
