If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
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Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
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There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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