i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
