Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.

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(319): View more from Iowa

Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.

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(702): View more from Nevada

Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting

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(301): View more from Maryland

Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.

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(779): View more from Illinois

I smell like gasoline and adventure.

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(212): View more from New York

VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY

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(660): View more from Missouri

Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing

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(801): View more from Utah

I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I brought my porn computer to class by accident

(213): View more from California

How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?

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