so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
