so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
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He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
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Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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