Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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