never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
