all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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