I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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