Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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