i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
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I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
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Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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