trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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