Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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