He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize