They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
