I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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