That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
