How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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