i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
