i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
