so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
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It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
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We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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