Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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