No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
