never play flip cup with pint glasses
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
