My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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