I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
