Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
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No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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