Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
there was a trapeze. enough said
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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