is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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