No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
