Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
