you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
