Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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