break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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