I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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