just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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