My underwear smells like fireworks.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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