is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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