Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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