he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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