how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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