k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
