i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
