More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
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I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
its liver damage thursday
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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