oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
