I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
