You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
