Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
