I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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