You can't special order awesome
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
