I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
