there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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