i just had sex bonerless
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
