I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize