Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
