well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
