I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
