Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
