Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
