I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
