why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She bit a glass in half.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
