You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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