do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
