OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
