remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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