I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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