So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
