You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
