I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
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I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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