we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
