Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
