I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
