at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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