Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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